Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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