If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
