They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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