I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
