Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
