I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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