If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
