were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
