there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize