I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
