The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
