i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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