So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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