i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I want a musical about memes.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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