dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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