Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
