everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
