it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
