my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
