I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
