She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Randomize
