Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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