nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
