Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
