were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
