im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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