i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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