y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
