Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize