She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize