porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
