He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
