its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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