Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Randomize
