I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
