we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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