FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize