we're blogging at a bar
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
