I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
