dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Randomize
