capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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