did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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