she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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