literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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