Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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