we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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