The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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