Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
