Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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