You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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