i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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