Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Randomize
