Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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