i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
