I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
well you can't waste a boner
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
