singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
