just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
