Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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