Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
