After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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