I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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