I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize