where are you?
Hypothermia
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
