The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
