she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
