You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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