so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
