You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
