guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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